A stranger knocked on my door

At 7 am,that’s right. I was half awake and heard the doorbell ring… I didn’t look at my watch to see what time it is

I thought it was the cleaning lady coz she comes over twice a week,today was her 2nd day.

I opened up to see a strange lady instead. Veiled and dressed in black from head to toe,I was like,”who  are you?!!” She uttered some words that beggars usually say and said that her name is Ne’ma and she comes over every year !!

First off, I’ve been living her for almost 2 years and I’ve never seen u!

Secondly,in case you don’t know,we”re in Ramadan,where Muslims fast from dusk to dawn for 30 days. And it just so happens,beggars fill the streets. Cause they believe people tend to be more generous and kind during this time…but We got used to seeing this. However, ringing on my door at 7 am this is the creepiest thing that ever happened to me… I said sorry I gotta go,sorry I gotta go again and shut the door.

What was I supposed to do? Give money to some stranger who might be a con or a burglar or a prison escapee!
She can easily come back for more and I won’t be able to stop her…

Plus ,I think this is some sort of abuse…Why do u demand money from others when you”re not offering any service in return? Just because it’s Ramadan,does it mean that I have to give u money? Absolutely not!

Which leads me to think, a woman in her 30s who comes and knocks on doors climbs all those stairs might be in pretty good health. So why not work instead of begging?! God knows her true financial situation but because of the huge number of beggars,am starting to doubt the whole thing.

How she even got to the building,that’s another issue.the door is supposed to be closed and no one can enter unless one of the residents opens it for you through the intercom. Maybe the door was already opened. I dunno. But am scared.

Happy days ahead

nostalgia2

I was just talking with my mom on the phone.This “Talk” that you feel you need ,because both of you need the same things and think about the same things.

We were comparing two friends that we “had” and I came up with this conclusion: Aging can drastically change your mind-set..,here goes

I had a friend who would’ve easily been my best friend,but it didn’t happen.You see,I can welcome anyone in my life that I feel strong connections with ,on personal,mental and social levels..I can be a good friend,and I give good pieces of advice. But I will never allow someone to take me for granted. You don’t suddenly disappear from my life for a long time and then show up with no excuse,and expect us to be friends again! Sorry babe,not me.

Mom is the exact opposite,she was like,”Hey, I’m pragmatic. She needed me,and I needed someone to hang out with. It’s not easy finding a friend who you can relate to and share the same ideals!” In other words,she won’t mind it if that friend shows up again after a long time and wants to hang out like the good ol days.And then she said something like, If i was your age,I’d probably think the same way you do. But now, the perspectives are different.

This led us to talk about a decade ago,when we used to hang out with our family friends and had blast, every. time .Things have changed sadly,Some moved to another country,some have health issues that could prevent them from travelling and having fun in the sun,we’ve got little kids now who’ve joined the group..That good ol’ fun is not coming back,being able to travel and go to many places and dine in the coolest places and having the time of your life..no strings attached! No way for us (as we see it now) to have this kind of fun again.

I don’t want to be ungrateful to all the cool things God has given me,But now I have the gift of a life time;My Son.Maybe God decided to take away certain things in my life,and compensate me with something even bigger !

Happy days ahead,that’s what I tell myself

Happy-Days-Title-Logo

Aside

The social media hoax

Have you ever felt that everyone else’s life is so much better than yours- Judging from their accounts on Facebook? You’re not alone !

This hoax, is when you give false impressions about yourself to your followers and friends on social media sites…you can type away about how wonderful your partner is,how good you are at your job and bla bla bla.

When the truth is, none of this can be real…such a sad fact of life.

Why do we write statues? Why do we share our images on fb? Maybe because it’s part of our nature as humans to seek peer approval and admiration…nothing wrong about that though.

What’s annoying is sharing an excessive amount of images and your plans on fb! I have a friend who does that,and gets not less than 30 likes per image! So I thought maybe she’s encouraged by all the likes and the comments,so she’s kind of addicted to it. Consequently,my newsfeed became loaded with her stuff that I have no interest in seeing in the first place,so the “unfollow” option came in handy.

Why unfriend them when you can easily stop their crap from reaching your newsfeed?

Oh and another thing, “public display of affection” on social networks.
I have another friend who basically does nothing but prove to the entire world how happy and successful her marriage is! It’s almost as if she has no life outside her family…she tags her husband in statues that can only be sent via private messages,like “how about a large pizza and sweet dumplings for dinner?”… Seriously,give us a break! Why do I need to know all that trivia about you and the hubby…clearly,am not interested. So again,” unfollow” or “I don’t want to see that ” coz it’s annoying!

Come to think of it ,a sign of a healthy relationship is having none to very little traces of it on Facebook. And why? Because I reach my partner in real life ,we communicate efficiently,and I don’t need to prove to anyone how happy I am,and I like to control the amount of info I share coz I like to have my own personal space,you know.

So to wrap it up. Leave those damned smartphones off your hands,quit living in your little cyber cocoon,get out there and SOCIALIZE.

Dear 2013,I don’t know what to say

So 2013 is almost over and I haven’t done anything I had on my check list. Except losing weight.

My son has been taking most of my precious time , and to be honest, I was kinda lazy too.

I wouldn’t write any New Year’s resolutions. I’ve had enough of these boring check-lists that I never stick too. But I will only write what am thankful for,And what I’ve learned.

Going green ( or tryin to): I recently hopped on the eco- train and decided to implement a new sustainable life style. So I decided to walk instead of drive, but only when possible.
Save on energy by using fluerecent light bulbs instead of the incandescent ones. Also unplugging equipment when not in use.

The only thing I CANNOT do, is to refuse plastic bags. I’ll talk about that later on.

I’ve learned that people only talk to each other when there happens to be a mutual benifet. Seldom you find ppl who ask about u out of the blues…

That’s it for now I just got too sleepy and my mind cannot go any further… Will be continued.

Cheers

Back to writing

So I was stuck in a really bad mental phase for a while,a big while actually.

Negative thoughts,and self-inflicted negative energy. It’s ironic though that my Graduation project was about “Energy Healing” and how we exchange vibes and energy with people around us,and from nature. I did not realise the harm I’ve been doing to myself,I finally understood the meaning behind “What you see,is what you get” . I translated that into: What I imagine (see in my dreams) is what I get.

Image

So to give you a better understanding of this,I’ll tell you my story which hasn’t ended yet. In short, I imagined my life when I will move to Qatar to join my husband as hectic,completely stressful,terrible co workers,horrible boss, a life full of shit,little time for myself,and last but not least,away from my mum. That is thing I hate the most.I’m not exaggerating here,that’s really what I had in mind.

So today while my son was taking his afternoon nap,I was browsing through channels and I came across a beautiful documentary called “The meaning of life” it’s in Arabic actually ,am translating here. Many successful public figures from all walks of life,talk about their journey and milestones while giving you some inspirational ideas and thoughts,

I was overwhelmed, I thought to myself ,how can I remove myself from this hell-hole,I concluded that I should start NOW. I don’t have much to do around here except taking care of my son, in day time he’s at the nursery,So i can write,take a new course,resume playing the piano,cook…anything!

So back to my future life in Qatar (if God grants me that opportunity). I know that a working mom is a hell of a job,being a mom is a full time job anyway,that most men are ignorant enough not to understand it! So having a job,dealing with my son and the housework,fixing dinner,and all that 5 days a week ..i don’t think it would be easy.I am accustomed to a lower pace of life,and I get occasional help from my mom too. So that would be a drastic shift to make.I wasn’t sure if I can handle that. But after that boosting doze of optimism,I said to myself ,heck!! I’ll take that ride and see where it takes me,I’m not that terrified anymore.

In fact,I need to prove those who give nothing but negative vibes,that they’re wrong.

Wish me luck

My biggest Dilemma

Is it my fault that I’m family oriented? That I always put the interest of my child/family first?

Because I always put family first,I’m torn between two options:

A. Traveling to Qatar to join my husband because he works there now

B.Stay in my country with my mom

I know you might be thinking,this is too easy, go with your husband!

but no,let me explain to you-if you’re interested to know-

My parents got divorced 8 years ago,and now my mom lives with my bro.I got married and moved to a new house of course,but we see each other almost everyday.Mom didnt get married after that and preffered to stay with us and spend the rest of her life “free” as she puts it. She had the option of getting married again but she refused it,she didn’t want to put more psychological pressure on us because my dad also got married again , and I wasn’t the least happy,it was hell for me. so she didnt wanna make it worse,in other words,she sacrificed a  lot for our sake.

Now she’s so deeply attached to my little boy Ziad who is 2 years old,she raised him with me if i might say. I cannot imagine leaving her and travelling to another country,I fear that she’ll be lonely or sad..I know my mom is a very strong person and she will never admit that,but she did a lot for me,the least I can do is to pay her back by being with her and attending to all her needs.I want to be there for her whenever she needed me,Which I wont be able to do when I am abroad..BUT,

On the other hand,The school system in Egypt is a wreck.Tution fees of good schools is sky rocketing,Which my husband won’t able to afforfd if he worked here because his salary wasnt that big. So,we always wanted the best for our child,and that’s the main reason why my husband claims he wants to travel for.

So,Being there for my mom and not leaving Egypt…or travelling so that my son can attend a better school? I cannot decide on anything,This is so messed up for me.

 

A Letter to my baby

 

I did,am and willing to endure so much for your sake….

I might even sacrifice my happiness for your sake because ,in another sense,your happiness is my happines too…

I couldn’t verbalize how I felt when I first saw you,I was in a dream and I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I always talk to you in your sleep,I tell you everything I cannot tell the world. I day dream about you when you grow up and ask me for money so you can go out with your friends…or when I will yell at you for not studying…

It is my main concern to raise you as a happy,confident and healthy child,I owe you so much and you don’t even know it!

I am happy with all the changes you’ve brought into my life…Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so that I can switch to the day you were born and re-live it once more…Too bad I was in such a bad health condition that I couldn’t enjoy your very first days at home..But I remember the first time you looked at me in the eye when you were just two days old,my heart sank,and I couldn’t utter a single word..I just stared at you in utter amazement for your cuteness and how tiny you were,I kissed you and hugged you like a zillion times that day.

Now that you’re almost two years old,I want to tell you,that your smile is indeed,the world to me.

When you hug me,my heart sinks again and suddenly the world is a happy and peaceful. That life is like a  flower or something like that.

Ziad ,I am addicted to you,you are my drug.

 

 

Get Over Marital crap,Get busy

Lots of married young women,and older women complain that their husband is emotionally unavailable. I know,it’s depressing. That cliché’ about the pre marital spark that goes off by time,routine takes over,and your life seems too boring and you may even be so depressed ,that you perceive it as a pile of shit.

This wasn’t what you had in mind when you said I do to this guy.He might have been honest when he promised you a life time of happiness, but something always goes wrong. Maybe in the upcoming lines we’ll know what it is.

Pregnancy comes with a package of hormonal imbalances and mood swings.Women can relate to that because these symptoms are pretty much like the menstruation phase. I don’t think a guy in the 21st century hasn’t heard of “mood swings” and all the hormonal crap the media talks about. But why do men seem that cold?

It gets a bit worse towards the end of pregnancy. Because you become larger, you suffer from abdominal pains and leg cramps and,you go the bathroom way too much!! And that’s the worst part, if he takes you out to dinner,you’ll excuse yourself to got the restroom like 10 times.

But that’s not even the core of the issue. Some men, are “embarressed” to walk around with their expecting wives. Don’t ask me how they even allowed themselves to feel that way. Women have sensors,they can feel and read between the lines even if there are no spoken words. So if the husband notices that his wife looks a little gloomy suddenly,he might be the cause ,or the main cause along with other fears related to pregnancy and this life changing event.

Regardless of how hard the husband tries to persuade his wife that non of the crap inside her head is true, she trusts her instincts. Even if she wants to believe him.

So ,instead of lying around,bitching about how your life is lame and how bored or depressed you are, Get Busy. It is the truth universally acknowledged,that when you keep yourself occupied,your focus will shift away from all the negative thoughts that drain your energy and waste your time. Or at least it will help you focus  less on what you hate about your surroundings.

If you’re pregnant,and you are physically unable to work at the moment, your friends are all working now and got busy with their lives,you can come up with a bunch of ideas to keep yourself occupied:

a. Write a blog, if you like writing and expressing yourself that way, do it.

b.Read a nice book

C.Play vedio games

D. Arrannge for some friends to meet up every once in a while

E. Cook,that’s fun

F.Play some music ( if you know how to play the piano or the guitar )

G.Go baby shopping (Don’t do it all at once,buy a few things every day)

H.Watch friends or stand-up comedies

I.Start writing a birth plan,it’s very important to let your OB know what you really want.

J.Stare in the middle of no-where and do nothing

K. Take a bubble bath or go swimming

L.Go to the spa (have a nice massage,manicure/pedicure soak,or a Moroccan bath)

M.If you’re interested,start planning a baby shower,plan a theme,the type of food you’re gonna serve,etc.

I got bored with listing things. You can do whatever you like to keep yourself happy and entertained. Be your own wind keeper ( A book mentioned in friends sitcom). If your husband is emotionally unavailable,inattentive to your needs or fears & shares nothing with you… its heart breaking. But not the end of the world.

Make him pay for it in your own special way. Some men need to step up and face their responsibilities,the hard way.

If having a civilised discussion or a fight,or ignoring him all together doesn’t help, Prove to him that you have other things to do in life other than thinking about him.

You owe yourself some happiness and satisfaction, think about all the women who got knocked-up by their boyfriends and had to face all the pregnancy phases all alone. Just thinking that there are others who suffer from stuff a lot worse than yours,can help you see things in a more realistic manner.

That’s why marriage is hard,you can’t expect your husband to be prince charming all the time. Hey,you’re not perfect either! Patience and perseverance is needed.

This isn’t a call for women to surrender and give up on their dream of having the life they dreamed of. In fact, I think it can be a practical solution to save your sanity,if you lose your sanity and become insane,you’re marriage is doomed to faliure.

Because sure as hell there can be good qualities about your guy,he can’t be all terrible (unless he’s troubled or has communication issues).You should always remind yourself that you’re living on mother earth,not your fantasy land. So your effort can be divided into entertaining yourself whichever way possible,and trying to

And know this, No bad deed ever goes unpunished.

Hesitation

 

Hesitation

Hesitation

 

The biggest problem that I have in my personality, is hesitation!

I cannot count the several times I spend in a shopping mall for instance,comparing 1 or more items.

-Should I or shouldn’t I buy?

-Wouldn’t I be too stupid to spend all that money on a pair of jeans?

-But I like it so much!

-Ok then maybe I should look somewhere else,

-But no, am getting tired and it’s getting late and I may not find that kind of jeans again ,

-But if I spend all that money I wouldn’t be able to buy anything else…

What the hell is that? This is a typical monologue that goes inside my mind on each shopping excursion that I make. Horrible isn’t it? Look at the infinite number of  “ifs” and “buts” in one sentence,I find myself really boring to be honest.

So that leaves me tired,bored,not completely satisfied with what I bought, I feel like I have some unfinished buisness that I have to get done,but you know,Whateverrr..

My hesitation isn’t  just limited  on shopping, It’s in my everyday activities. What should I have for dinner? Roast chicken with herbs or macaroni and cheese? or both???

I drive myself mad because my mind just won’t rest for a seconed.

I might need therapy for that you know

I’ll post more about that when I do enough research about it

Share if you have the same problem as mine, see ya

 

 

To anyone who reads my blog

My son just turned 1-year-old today. That’s right.I have a gorgeous angel named “Ziad” who was born on this very day,a year ago,at noon.

I know that’s not a good reason for me to stop writing,but believe it or not,I lacked inspiration…

It’s not that am a terrific writer or anything,but if you take a look at my earlier posts,you’ll find a common thread between all of them. I’m intrigued ,annoyed or impressed by a certain issue . Having a baby was far more than any feeling I ever felt.

I tried to translate my feelings into words but couldn’t. How I felt when I first saw him,how my life went upside down the minute he came to the house,how tired and sleepless I used to be..you know the story with first time moms. Lucky me I had my gorgeous mom with me all the time. She helped me with every single thing my baby needed. God bless her.

Now that my baby has finally developed a nice and bearable sleeping schedule..my life just got a little bit easier .

 

One of the many blessings that came along with my son’s arrival,is that my relationship with my Dad has finally been fixed. We stayed for about a year with no connection whatsoever,no reason to state why now. The most important thing is,we’re back on track. I thank God for this, and then my brother. I remember correctly that he was so eager that my dad and I patch things up because… we both felt devastated that Ziad never saw his grandpa . I so badly wanted this to happen but I couldn’t approach him. My bro helped me a great deal.

There’s only one little bump on this beautiful road until now. Ziad’s father,isn’t really connected to him the way that I want to. Some say that fatherhood develops a little late in men,unlike women who were born “moms” … I’ll talk about that later.

All in all, I’m blessed and more than thankful for this wonderful gift named Ziad. I love you and I will always be there for you. You are my hope,and my sunshine,you’re my everything…My Boy

 

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