Parenting


I know how hard it is to raise a child, to give them all the tools of life to further aid them in their future lives,and help build their characters.

I find there is a thin line between “shaping” your child’s character to fit your expectations,and dicipelining them. Someone once told me that youngsters can so easily be adjusted to fit your expectations,it all depends on how you shape and sculpt and mode their lives.

Honestly,I can’t help but notice fatal mistakes adults commit when they raise their kids. Parenting isn’t just about teaching them to wash their hands after eating,or brushing their teeth before they go to bed,or having them wear slippers and not to walk around bare foot. Yeah that all sounds fine ,but I know a little girl,about 8 years old,who I think was a victim of ill-treatment and an ignorant parenting style. But first,here’s a brief intro of how I got to know her.

Her grandmother and us have been neighbours for some 20+ years now. Her grandmother is cool and nice, but she does have some irritating rules that repel kids. Let’s face it,if you want you’re grand kids to come and enjoy their stay,you have to allow and to expect some mess here and there. So ,these kids are not allowed to jump on the bed,have more than one candy bar and so on. I like kids very much,so I used to joke with her and be really nice to her,so she wanted to come over and visit me whenever she visited her grand ma. That was like 5 or 6 years ago when she was little. Years have passed,and still she likes to come over.But she doesn’t want to comprehend the fact,that she’s older now and can do everything on her own. And sure as hell you can’t treat and dazzle an 8 year old person like a toddler.But she expects that from me.

Let me tell how what I saw:

1.She NEVER uses the words Thank you or please. When she wants something,she orders you. Get me 7-up,cook me some chicken. As an example. Like,who the hell do you think I am? your butler?

2.Drops off uninvited,and if she finds you sleeping,she wakes you up. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you should never wake someone up like that? Needles to say,Dropping off uninvited may not be welcomed at all times.

3.Never knocks on the door: She once slammed the door open and my 21 year old brother was putting on his pants,then he found her yelling at him” turn on the AC for me!” He went all wild and furious with her,no wonder he likes her A LOT.

4.Too many orders: She doesn’t enjoy her stay at her grandma’s house that much because of all the restrictions, and you know,some kids are too needy and winy, they always demand things from you,Chips,soft drinks,chocolate and other sweets,and she’s not allowed to have that at her grandma’s house whenever she needed. So when she comes over,she expects and wants to be pampered and fully taken care of. Did this suddenly appear as my responsibility or something?

5.Her voice is too loud:I mean,it’s annoying! I’m gonna teach my kids to speak in an audible tone,not too loud  and not too damn low that you hear nothing.

All am saying is,a few simple ,yet hard to teach ;things, can either make you seem like a decent person,or otherwise. That’s why parenting is hard and scares the hell out of me.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mitchell
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 03:44:45

    Hi, the girl may just be trying to give you reason to reject her. Maybe sit her down and discipline her like a mother would. I know you AREN’T her mother but that just might be what she needs. Obviously you have a heart for her, or you would tell her to get lost. So I would view this as a training exercise and lay down the ground work.

    The foundation is the most important part of a child’s development. Rules given and enforced in love will provide the proper tools for a child entering adulthood.

    She just needs love and an authority figure. One who loves her enough to straighten her out.

    I might be wrong though.

    But if I am right. I would consider yourself blessed to be in her life. That you have a chance to impact her future.

    Blessings.

    Reply

  2. Yasmine Wael
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 15:39:03

    Hi Mitchell 🙂

    That was a new perspective that you’ve just given me that I haven’t thought of before. Considering that am not her mother and I don’t see her that frequently too.
    But I think you might be right,maybe she needs an authority figure and love. I might actually give it a shot,I might change a thing or two for the better ,if I can. Who knows?

    Many thanks for stepping by

    Cheers:)

    Reply

  3. Mitchell
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 01:53:56

    Yeah, sometimes when we know a person is hurting inside (esp a young person) we tend to want to ‘spoil’ them. But what they really need is a foundation. The foundation is the most important part and it takes compassion and time to get it right.

    I think every minute you invest into that child is a good investment.

    Blessings

    Reply

  4. Sharp
    Jun 24, 2011 @ 09:26:15

    very true indeed. Kids need some discipline but again… not too much.. They just need to grow up to be nice and caring people who don’t order others around :’)…

    Reply

    • Yasmine Wael
      Jun 24, 2011 @ 22:38:26

      Yeah you’re right,And that’s why parenting is a tough job, somehow you have to leave some space for them to act their age but at the same time they have to be taught how to behave politely. Sure as hell no body wants to hear that their kids are not well behaved!

      Thanks for stepping by Sharp:)

      Reply

  5. sahmjs
    Aug 02, 2011 @ 17:05:50

    I agree with you! As a parent, I feel my job is to set my child up for success – in relationships, in work, in life. So if I don’t help him work through those things, he’s gonna end up with no friends. I think it’s also parents job to pass on how to help their kids stay healthy. After reading this Mom’s Guide (http://www.1dental.com/moms-guide/), I started taking better inventory of what my son eats – mostly sugar! I need to cut back and realized he eats those things because i do! TIme to make some changes in our family.

    Reply

  6. nonsensematters
    Jul 28, 2012 @ 15:27:29

    Regarding not walking around barefoot, I am of two minds, true there are situations of modern world which might justify shoes, but most shoes are not foot shaped, don’t have enough width and quite often undersized, and the situation is that you have to size yourself to the available shoe rather the other way round. To add to the confusion, our feet are jailed to grow according to the shoes, and we sqeeze our toes habitually inside the shoes to feel as if that’s completely normal, while it is actually unhealthy in more ways that we could conceive of, since we never wore shoes for most of our million year history (even in many schools in the US, kids used to go to school barefoot, until the shoe companies lobbied the congress to make shoes compulsory). But of course, this is not the case for sandals or flip flops, which are relatively healthy.

    Secondly, there are psychological, physical and psycho-physical implications of completely separating your feet from the earth, and covering them up. I can’t intellectualize completely what they are as I’m no expert on psychology (who is, anyway?) however, there are these effects, whether they are positive or negative is a bit muddy area, but I’ll tell you my experience.

    For nearly 30 years of my life, I was almost never barefoot except in the bed, or any other situation which forced me to, and I had a big aversion to barefooting. Then I suddenly got this sort of instinctive impulse, particularly through dreams to go barefoot, and I can’t describe the emotional freedom I experienced, and now I have become a regular barefoot hiker and walker, even as I see the surprised, disgusted or shouting faces of onlookers, although thankfully most people don’t mind. Now, I feel more prepared to try out new things, appreciate nature more and am even evolving a different sense of what it means to be human.

    I wouldn’t say to let children barefoot all the time, however, my claim is that it is not as scary as it is actually made out and felt to be by those of us who live in the ‘civilized world’. Besides, the risks of barefooting are way too overrated than the risks of wearing shoes (it’s a kind of civilized foot binding).

    Not preaching shoeing or bare-footing here, I just felt that the balance is unfairly tilted to the shoe side.

    Some links (just to balance the scales, ‘objectivity’ not guaranteed):
    http://freegrowthblog.com/438/reprint-natures-magic-bullet/

    Reply

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