How motherhood changed me

I wasn’t evil before I had my son,but I was selfish to some degree.and I only had myself to worry about and no one else! I never thought of myself as thoughtful or compassionate.however,motherhood brought some interesting things that were hidden inside me that I never knew existed!

ArtMotherhood_detail

Setting priorities

So that means family comes first,anything else comes after that.I won’t ditch my sick boy and go hang out with friends,and I do it happily!

Sacrifice..
Now I even give up my favourite sandwich for my kid-willingly! I was never a food -sharer.ever. Now I am. Clever.

Always a hostess!
I’m very much interested in cooking , suddenly I felt I wanted to share my master pieces with everyone.and it started with my mom and bro. I am kind of addicted to the praise and self-satisfaction that comes with it.Like I wanna feed everyone..

Thoughtfulnes
My aunt had some health issues lately,So I thought:”Why not make her some savory muffins and go pay a visit?” Nothing says I care like a homemade muffin.Right?

A lot of parents brag about the tedious chores and sleepless nights.But they seldom focus on these positive sides that all parents experienced at some point…

Things do change when you become a parent.but that’s one of the good sides of the story.

So tell me,how did motherhood change you?

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Happy days ahead

nostalgia2

I was just talking with my mom on the phone.This “Talk” that you feel you need ,because both of you need the same things and think about the same things.

We were comparing two friends that we “had” and I came up with this conclusion: Aging can drastically change your mind-set..,here goes

I had a friend who would’ve easily been my best friend,but it didn’t happen.You see,I can welcome anyone in my life that I feel strong connections with ,on personal,mental and social levels..I can be a good friend,and I give good pieces of advice. But I will never allow someone to take me for granted. You don’t suddenly disappear from my life for a long time and then show up with no excuse,and expect us to be friends again! Sorry babe,not me.

Mom is the exact opposite,she was like,”Hey, I’m pragmatic. She needed me,and I needed someone to hang out with. It’s not easy finding a friend who you can relate to and share the same ideals!” In other words,she won’t mind it if that friend shows up again after a long time and wants to hang out like the good ol days.And then she said something like, If i was your age,I’d probably think the same way you do. But now, the perspectives are different.

This led us to talk about a decade ago,when we used to hang out with our family friends and had blast, every. time .Things have changed sadly,Some moved to another country,some have health issues that could prevent them from travelling and having fun in the sun,we’ve got little kids now who’ve joined the group..That good ol’ fun is not coming back,being able to travel and go to many places and dine in the coolest places and having the time of your life..no strings attached! No way for us (as we see it now) to have this kind of fun again.

I don’t want to be ungrateful to all the cool things God has given me,But now I have the gift of a life time;My Son.Maybe God decided to take away certain things in my life,and compensate me with something even bigger !

Happy days ahead,that’s what I tell myself

Happy-Days-Title-Logo

Aside

Dear 2013,I don’t know what to say

So 2013 is almost over and I haven’t done anything I had on my check list. Except losing weight.

My son has been taking most of my precious time , and to be honest, I was kinda lazy too.

I wouldn’t write any New Year’s resolutions. I’ve had enough of these boring check-lists that I never stick too. But I will only write what am thankful for,And what I’ve learned.

Going green ( or tryin to): I recently hopped on the eco- train and decided to implement a new sustainable life style. So I decided to walk instead of drive, but only when possible.
Save on energy by using fluerecent light bulbs instead of the incandescent ones. Also unplugging equipment when not in use.

The only thing I CANNOT do, is to refuse plastic bags. I’ll talk about that later on.

I’ve learned that people only talk to each other when there happens to be a mutual benifet. Seldom you find ppl who ask about u out of the blues…

That’s it for now I just got too sleepy and my mind cannot go any further… Will be continued.

Cheers

A Letter to my baby

 

I did,am and willing to endure so much for your sake….

I might even sacrifice my happiness for your sake because ,in another sense,your happiness is my happines too…

I couldn’t verbalize how I felt when I first saw you,I was in a dream and I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I always talk to you in your sleep,I tell you everything I cannot tell the world. I day dream about you when you grow up and ask me for money so you can go out with your friends…or when I will yell at you for not studying…

It is my main concern to raise you as a happy,confident and healthy child,I owe you so much and you don’t even know it!

I am happy with all the changes you’ve brought into my life…Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so that I can switch to the day you were born and re-live it once more…Too bad I was in such a bad health condition that I couldn’t enjoy your very first days at home..But I remember the first time you looked at me in the eye when you were just two days old,my heart sank,and I couldn’t utter a single word..I just stared at you in utter amazement for your cuteness and how tiny you were,I kissed you and hugged you like a zillion times that day.

Now that you’re almost two years old,I want to tell you,that your smile is indeed,the world to me.

When you hug me,my heart sinks again and suddenly the world is a happy and peaceful. That life is like a  flower or something like that.

Ziad ,I am addicted to you,you are my drug.

 

 

Get Over Marital crap,Get busy

Lots of married young women,and older women complain that their husband is emotionally unavailable. I know,it’s depressing. That cliché’ about the pre marital spark that goes off by time,routine takes over,and your life seems too boring and you may even be so depressed ,that you perceive it as a pile of shit.

This wasn’t what you had in mind when you said I do to this guy.He might have been honest when he promised you a life time of happiness, but something always goes wrong. Maybe in the upcoming lines we’ll know what it is.

Pregnancy comes with a package of hormonal imbalances and mood swings.Women can relate to that because these symptoms are pretty much like the menstruation phase. I don’t think a guy in the 21st century hasn’t heard of “mood swings” and all the hormonal crap the media talks about. But why do men seem that cold?

It gets a bit worse towards the end of pregnancy. Because you become larger, you suffer from abdominal pains and leg cramps and,you go the bathroom way too much!! And that’s the worst part, if he takes you out to dinner,you’ll excuse yourself to got the restroom like 10 times.

But that’s not even the core of the issue. Some men, are “embarressed” to walk around with their expecting wives. Don’t ask me how they even allowed themselves to feel that way. Women have sensors,they can feel and read between the lines even if there are no spoken words. So if the husband notices that his wife looks a little gloomy suddenly,he might be the cause ,or the main cause along with other fears related to pregnancy and this life changing event.

Regardless of how hard the husband tries to persuade his wife that non of the crap inside her head is true, she trusts her instincts. Even if she wants to believe him.

So ,instead of lying around,bitching about how your life is lame and how bored or depressed you are, Get Busy. It is the truth universally acknowledged,that when you keep yourself occupied,your focus will shift away from all the negative thoughts that drain your energy and waste your time. Or at least it will help you focus  less on what you hate about your surroundings.

If you’re pregnant,and you are physically unable to work at the moment, your friends are all working now and got busy with their lives,you can come up with a bunch of ideas to keep yourself occupied:

a. Write a blog, if you like writing and expressing yourself that way, do it.

b.Read a nice book

C.Play vedio games

D. Arrannge for some friends to meet up every once in a while

E. Cook,that’s fun

F.Play some music ( if you know how to play the piano or the guitar )

G.Go baby shopping (Don’t do it all at once,buy a few things every day)

H.Watch friends or stand-up comedies

I.Start writing a birth plan,it’s very important to let your OB know what you really want.

J.Stare in the middle of no-where and do nothing

K. Take a bubble bath or go swimming

L.Go to the spa (have a nice massage,manicure/pedicure soak,or a Moroccan bath)

M.If you’re interested,start planning a baby shower,plan a theme,the type of food you’re gonna serve,etc.

I got bored with listing things. You can do whatever you like to keep yourself happy and entertained. Be your own wind keeper ( A book mentioned in friends sitcom). If your husband is emotionally unavailable,inattentive to your needs or fears & shares nothing with you… its heart breaking. But not the end of the world.

Make him pay for it in your own special way. Some men need to step up and face their responsibilities,the hard way.

If having a civilised discussion or a fight,or ignoring him all together doesn’t help, Prove to him that you have other things to do in life other than thinking about him.

You owe yourself some happiness and satisfaction, think about all the women who got knocked-up by their boyfriends and had to face all the pregnancy phases all alone. Just thinking that there are others who suffer from stuff a lot worse than yours,can help you see things in a more realistic manner.

That’s why marriage is hard,you can’t expect your husband to be prince charming all the time. Hey,you’re not perfect either! Patience and perseverance is needed.

This isn’t a call for women to surrender and give up on their dream of having the life they dreamed of. In fact, I think it can be a practical solution to save your sanity,if you lose your sanity and become insane,you’re marriage is doomed to faliure.

Because sure as hell there can be good qualities about your guy,he can’t be all terrible (unless he’s troubled or has communication issues).You should always remind yourself that you’re living on mother earth,not your fantasy land. So your effort can be divided into entertaining yourself whichever way possible,and trying to

And know this, No bad deed ever goes unpunished.

Hesitation

 

Hesitation

Hesitation

 

The biggest problem that I have in my personality, is hesitation!

I cannot count the several times I spend in a shopping mall for instance,comparing 1 or more items.

-Should I or shouldn’t I buy?

-Wouldn’t I be too stupid to spend all that money on a pair of jeans?

-But I like it so much!

-Ok then maybe I should look somewhere else,

-But no, am getting tired and it’s getting late and I may not find that kind of jeans again ,

-But if I spend all that money I wouldn’t be able to buy anything else…

What the hell is that? This is a typical monologue that goes inside my mind on each shopping excursion that I make. Horrible isn’t it? Look at the infinite number of  “ifs” and “buts” in one sentence,I find myself really boring to be honest.

So that leaves me tired,bored,not completely satisfied with what I bought, I feel like I have some unfinished buisness that I have to get done,but you know,Whateverrr..

My hesitation isn’t  just limited  on shopping, It’s in my everyday activities. What should I have for dinner? Roast chicken with herbs or macaroni and cheese? or both???

I drive myself mad because my mind just won’t rest for a seconed.

I might need therapy for that you know

I’ll post more about that when I do enough research about it

Share if you have the same problem as mine, see ya

 

 

To anyone who reads my blog

My son just turned 1-year-old today. That’s right.I have a gorgeous angel named “Ziad” who was born on this very day,a year ago,at noon.

I know that’s not a good reason for me to stop writing,but believe it or not,I lacked inspiration…

It’s not that am a terrific writer or anything,but if you take a look at my earlier posts,you’ll find a common thread between all of them. I’m intrigued ,annoyed or impressed by a certain issue . Having a baby was far more than any feeling I ever felt.

I tried to translate my feelings into words but couldn’t. How I felt when I first saw him,how my life went upside down the minute he came to the house,how tired and sleepless I used to be..you know the story with first time moms. Lucky me I had my gorgeous mom with me all the time. She helped me with every single thing my baby needed. God bless her.

Now that my baby has finally developed a nice and bearable sleeping schedule..my life just got a little bit easier .

 

One of the many blessings that came along with my son’s arrival,is that my relationship with my Dad has finally been fixed. We stayed for about a year with no connection whatsoever,no reason to state why now. The most important thing is,we’re back on track. I thank God for this, and then my brother. I remember correctly that he was so eager that my dad and I patch things up because… we both felt devastated that Ziad never saw his grandpa . I so badly wanted this to happen but I couldn’t approach him. My bro helped me a great deal.

There’s only one little bump on this beautiful road until now. Ziad’s father,isn’t really connected to him the way that I want to. Some say that fatherhood develops a little late in men,unlike women who were born “moms” … I’ll talk about that later.

All in all, I’m blessed and more than thankful for this wonderful gift named Ziad. I love you and I will always be there for you. You are my hope,and my sunshine,you’re my everything…My Boy

 

Happy Anniversary!

To my blog actually,In case you’re wondering.

Today marks a whole year of blogging on WordPress,So I thought it’s kind of a big deal. Since I’ve managed to start it in the first place,stick to writing to it and most importantly, I got to increase my traffic,get comments and build a not so bad foundation of readers!

I went though lots of phases, from strictly abiding to a writing schedule, to not caring that much to obsessing about my stats and checking them every two seconds,to obsessing about featured on Freshly Pressed,to realizing that I will not be featured,since all the featured posts are written by Americans who live in America,it’s all about the American culture,that’s what I see personally. And now, am in the wise stage. Which means, build a foundation of readers,keep interacting with others,and share!

It’s exciting, and I’ve learned a lot about blogging and interacting with total strangers in cyber space.When you speak your mind and heart out ,and write a sad blog post and you find total strangers telling you that they’ll pray for you and hope things work out for the best! It’s touching.

And when you find yourself in a good mood,and write a post about how you’re the master at doing nothing,and find others commenting that you’re funny. That’s uplifting!

And when you write a post about something a little controversial, and you go through an interesting debate with a bigot who happens to call you a bigot! Irony isn’t it?

So,since that blogging experience is kind of rewarding and very interesting,I started a new Arabic blog,in the interest of writing a little bit about politics and the escalating events going on in my country,Egypt.

Blogging is a blessing,I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

I hope one day when am a lot older,I’ll still keep writing here,maybe my kids and grand kids would like to see what their mom and grad ma used to write and think about. They might turn out to be my number one fans,who knows?!

 

 

 

 

If I Owned my own newspaper…

That  might be a possible dream,considering that I minored in Journalism during college. But that’s not the point.

The point is,I see lots of things in the newspapers I read everyday here in Egypt,That I disagree with or even hate. Such as:

  1. Biased news pieces: Just because it’s an opposition newspaper doesn’t mean that they have to “frame” their pieces of information to serve their interest. It’s almost as if its unfair to shed some light on the positive steps our new government is taking along the bad steps that they disapprove of. In other words,Lack of objectivity.
  1. Posting graphic images:That’s what I hate the most! Specially when they post it right on the front page! So it’s the first thing you see in the morning. They do have a point you know,they wanna make your day,in their very special way.It’s completely immoral and unethical for many reasons. Because first,they should give a warning,which means that if they had to print such an image,they should place it elsewhere,but definitely not the front page. Because ,some people (myself included) are sensitive when it comes to seeing graphic photoes.There’s even a type of phobia to dead corpses called Necrophobia. So I guess they should be more attentive to that aspect. Plus,Children might also be susceptible to this kind of fear. The Second reason is that,it’s a violation of the sanctity of death. Enough said. I don’t care if that dead person is a terrorist,a martyr,a government official ,anything! Death is above everything else,I mean no one would like to have his death photo circulated all over the internet and print or broadcast media! Who would like that?? It is immoral to me. So if I had my newspaper,I will ban the appearance of such images all together.
I would just like to mention,that today,and for the zillion time,I was bombarded with a truly graphic image of dead boy,right at the homepage on my Facebook account. I’m subscribed to an online service of news flashes,minute by minute updates about the events happening in the region. Sometimes,they support those news flashes with images. That’s fine. But why did they post this horrifying image to us? I suppose not all people will find it horrifying. But still, What happened to the sanctity of death? This boy is supposed to be a martyr, A Syrian boy who was murdered by the dictator Bashar Al Assad in Syria.
If they meant to post it,in an attempt to let others sympathize with the Syrian case, Then I call it an emotional abuse.
By the way,The idea of this post was inspired by Chris Brogan ( a well-known blogger) who had posted ideas for others to blog about in his website.http://www.chrisbrogan.com/100-blog-topics-i-hope-you-write/, and by my experience and frustration by the things I see in the media.
Cheers

The New Facebook

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

Ever since I started using Facebook in 2007, just for sheer fun ,wasting time, and trailing my then “my only love”, it has been a true social networking site. Just a window that I can peak from and know all the gossip,who broke up with who,who’s teasing her boyfriend by posting new images of her with other guys…and the funny,sometimes interesting videos that my friends posted…

Not to mention the “interesting” sometimes, meaningless comments that we tended to post to each other now and then,and tagging very lame photos of each other and laughing our asses off. For me, Facebook has helped me re-connect with old school friends,those people who I thought will never see or hear their voices again,now we’re in touch and know a good deal about it each other,which is cool. To see that shy girl who used to sit at the very back at the classroom,now acting very baldly,skimpy dresses on,many boyfriends. Funny how people change you know.

But that’s not the point of this post,that was an introduction to the reality of Facebook before January 25th (The Egyptian Revolution). It’s true that many youth used FB platform to voice their opinions and organize events,political events I mean.But again,those events weren’t on the front line ,they were among other events and stuff,nothing really special about them so far,but our ex- government used to survail  all of that and would cross the line sometimes and detain young men and women for posting any anti-government comment or event.

So in turn,Many FB users refrained from posting,liking or even commenting or sharing any political links,events,notes done by others or any of that;passive internet users to cut it short.

During our revolution,that gap of fear and passiveness among youth has drastically changed, people weren’t scared of posting statuses  like “To hell with Mubarak” and other statuses  condemning the terroristic acts done by the government.

It’s like we didn’t care anymore if these statuses were surveiled or not, as if we had that gut feeling that Mubarak is leaving, taking with him all the past 30 years of oppression injustice and cruelty … Because the number of protestors were escalating by the day and nothing seemed to stop them . Not the rubber bullets,or regular bullets,or heavy beating,or even being detained and sent to nowhere like what happened with millions who dared to oppose Mubarak and his clan.

Many,if not most of the people became suddenly interssted in politics. they started sharing online news articles from various all-news websites ,others commented,others re-shared,others wrote their own notes about what they think should happen or what they predict would happen. every one seemed to be connected again,engaging in real meaningful online discussions ,it was that sense of liberation or something that I cannot describe.

A group of egyptian young people started their own online news broadcast,which quickly became very popular within a few days,they posted a minute by minute news flashes,they had their own team of reporters and photographers who worked hard to get these news items on time,and safe to say,most of them were accurate.

Ever since the revolution broke out,my news feed now has nothing but news,follow up news with what’s going on in Egypt specifically and the region in general. People have nothing to talk about except politcs  now!

I can hardly find in my news feed the regular stuff that I used to see before,tagged images of other friends, the famous”I’m bored” statues and stuff like that.

There’s this new facility in Fb now which is the “Question” facility,where you pose a question and provide 3 possible answers and let your friends answer them. Let me tell you,99% of what I see are all politics- related…

Is that a phase that will cease to exist at some point? Or is that the new Facebook in Egypt that will never go back to its original state?

I understand that what happened was a major thing ,which doesn’t occur everyday, I like to compare it to an earthquake,and we’re in the aftershock phase now. That this social mobility is one normal consequence for that revolution. It may last for quite sometime,God has the answer to that!

Peace out

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