How motherhood changed me

I wasn’t evil before I had my son,but I was selfish to some degree.and I only had myself to worry about and no one else! I never thought of myself as thoughtful or compassionate.however,motherhood brought some interesting things that were hidden inside me that I never knew existed!

ArtMotherhood_detail

Setting priorities

So that means family comes first,anything else comes after that.I won’t ditch my sick boy and go hang out with friends,and I do it happily!

Sacrifice..
Now I even give up my favourite sandwich for my kid-willingly! I was never a food -sharer.ever. Now I am. Clever.

Always a hostess!
I’m very much interested in cooking , suddenly I felt I wanted to share my master pieces with everyone.and it started with my mom and bro. I am kind of addicted to the praise and self-satisfaction that comes with it.Like I wanna feed everyone..

Thoughtfulnes
My aunt had some health issues lately,So I thought:”Why not make her some savory muffins and go pay a visit?” Nothing says I care like a homemade muffin.Right?

A lot of parents brag about the tedious chores and sleepless nights.But they seldom focus on these positive sides that all parents experienced at some point…

Things do change when you become a parent.but that’s one of the good sides of the story.

So tell me,how did motherhood change you?

My biggest Dilemma

Is it my fault that I’m family oriented? That I always put the interest of my child/family first?

Because I always put family first,I’m torn between two options:

A. Traveling to Qatar to join my husband because he works there now

B.Stay in my country with my mom

I know you might be thinking,this is too easy, go with your husband!

but no,let me explain to you-if you’re interested to know-

My parents got divorced 8 years ago,and now my mom lives with my bro.I got married and moved to a new house of course,but we see each other almost everyday.Mom didnt get married after that and preffered to stay with us and spend the rest of her life “free” as she puts it. She had the option of getting married again but she refused it,she didn’t want to put more psychological pressure on us because my dad also got married again , and I wasn’t the least happy,it was hell for me. so she didnt wanna make it worse,in other words,she sacrificed a  lot for our sake.

Now she’s so deeply attached to my little boy Ziad who is 2 years old,she raised him with me if i might say. I cannot imagine leaving her and travelling to another country,I fear that she’ll be lonely or sad..I know my mom is a very strong person and she will never admit that,but she did a lot for me,the least I can do is to pay her back by being with her and attending to all her needs.I want to be there for her whenever she needed me,Which I wont be able to do when I am abroad..BUT,

On the other hand,The school system in Egypt is a wreck.Tution fees of good schools is sky rocketing,Which my husband won’t able to afforfd if he worked here because his salary wasnt that big. So,we always wanted the best for our child,and that’s the main reason why my husband claims he wants to travel for.

So,Being there for my mom and not leaving Egypt…or travelling so that my son can attend a better school? I cannot decide on anything,This is so messed up for me.

 

I wanna be a grandmother

For someone who doesn’t have any kids of her own anyway, this need is, impossible.

what made me think about it was when I went to one my friend’s wedding last month. I saw how exciting and emotionally filled experience that it is. to have your son or daughter’s wedding, all the planning and the mixed emotions.. not to mention the feeling that all parents have when their kids are about to get married ( of course i know that from movies I haven’t experienced that) your little kids are grown up now, I bet that parents who get to that moment forget about all the trouble these kids have caused them one day, they’ll be happy for them, but sometimes its hard to let go. A real emotional roller coaster that it ,indeed.

when I think about my future,I always dream of having lots of grand kids,not my kids,grand kids. why is that? because its the easiest most sweetest thing to do. I mean my job as a grandmother would be to smother these kids,shower them with presents and candy, give them all what they want,let them play and stay up all night at my house if you want to…I think am gonna make a very cool grandmother.for you know,I’m gonna be the spoiler,that’s my job,at least that’s what I think and want…

I’m not gonna be in charge of anything serious here, except when I feel an huge urge to give them a small piece of advice,and to pass my knowledge and wisdom of all the years! am just being ironic here. but seriously, one way or another they’re gonna need someone to tell them what’s right and what’s wrong. let them hear some old sayings,that they’ll keep remembering even after my death, who knows? but again, its nothing serious, am just a spoiler grandma..

that’s how I want them to remember me when am dead. maybe one day they’ll read this blog and discover something about me that they never knew.. or maybe this blog would still be there when am over 50 years old, and I would search through my archives to find a very old post I made ..30 years ago.

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