How motherhood changed me

I wasn’t evil before I had my son,but I was selfish to some degree.and I only had myself to worry about and no one else! I never thought of myself as thoughtful or compassionate.however,motherhood brought some interesting things that were hidden inside me that I never knew existed!

ArtMotherhood_detail

Setting priorities

So that means family comes first,anything else comes after that.I won’t ditch my sick boy and go hang out with friends,and I do it happily!

Sacrifice..
Now I even give up my favourite sandwich for my kid-willingly! I was never a food -sharer.ever. Now I am. Clever.

Always a hostess!
I’m very much interested in cooking , suddenly I felt I wanted to share my master pieces with everyone.and it started with my mom and bro. I am kind of addicted to the praise and self-satisfaction that comes with it.Like I wanna feed everyone..

Thoughtfulnes
My aunt had some health issues lately,So I thought:”Why not make her some savory muffins and go pay a visit?” Nothing says I care like a homemade muffin.Right?

A lot of parents brag about the tedious chores and sleepless nights.But they seldom focus on these positive sides that all parents experienced at some point…

Things do change when you become a parent.but that’s one of the good sides of the story.

So tell me,how did motherhood change you?

Advertisements

Happy days ahead

nostalgia2

I was just talking with my mom on the phone.This “Talk” that you feel you need ,because both of you need the same things and think about the same things.

We were comparing two friends that we “had” and I came up with this conclusion: Aging can drastically change your mind-set..,here goes

I had a friend who would’ve easily been my best friend,but it didn’t happen.You see,I can welcome anyone in my life that I feel strong connections with ,on personal,mental and social levels..I can be a good friend,and I give good pieces of advice. But I will never allow someone to take me for granted. You don’t suddenly disappear from my life for a long time and then show up with no excuse,and expect us to be friends again! Sorry babe,not me.

Mom is the exact opposite,she was like,”Hey, I’m pragmatic. She needed me,and I needed someone to hang out with. It’s not easy finding a friend who you can relate to and share the same ideals!” In other words,she won’t mind it if that friend shows up again after a long time and wants to hang out like the good ol days.And then she said something like, If i was your age,I’d probably think the same way you do. But now, the perspectives are different.

This led us to talk about a decade ago,when we used to hang out with our family friends and had blast, every. time .Things have changed sadly,Some moved to another country,some have health issues that could prevent them from travelling and having fun in the sun,we’ve got little kids now who’ve joined the group..That good ol’ fun is not coming back,being able to travel and go to many places and dine in the coolest places and having the time of your life..no strings attached! No way for us (as we see it now) to have this kind of fun again.

I don’t want to be ungrateful to all the cool things God has given me,But now I have the gift of a life time;My Son.Maybe God decided to take away certain things in my life,and compensate me with something even bigger !

Happy days ahead,that’s what I tell myself

Happy-Days-Title-Logo

Aside

My biggest Dilemma

Is it my fault that I’m family oriented? That I always put the interest of my child/family first?

Because I always put family first,I’m torn between two options:

A. Traveling to Qatar to join my husband because he works there now

B.Stay in my country with my mom

I know you might be thinking,this is too easy, go with your husband!

but no,let me explain to you-if you’re interested to know-

My parents got divorced 8 years ago,and now my mom lives with my bro.I got married and moved to a new house of course,but we see each other almost everyday.Mom didnt get married after that and preffered to stay with us and spend the rest of her life “free” as she puts it. She had the option of getting married again but she refused it,she didn’t want to put more psychological pressure on us because my dad also got married again , and I wasn’t the least happy,it was hell for me. so she didnt wanna make it worse,in other words,she sacrificed a  lot for our sake.

Now she’s so deeply attached to my little boy Ziad who is 2 years old,she raised him with me if i might say. I cannot imagine leaving her and travelling to another country,I fear that she’ll be lonely or sad..I know my mom is a very strong person and she will never admit that,but she did a lot for me,the least I can do is to pay her back by being with her and attending to all her needs.I want to be there for her whenever she needed me,Which I wont be able to do when I am abroad..BUT,

On the other hand,The school system in Egypt is a wreck.Tution fees of good schools is sky rocketing,Which my husband won’t able to afforfd if he worked here because his salary wasnt that big. So,we always wanted the best for our child,and that’s the main reason why my husband claims he wants to travel for.

So,Being there for my mom and not leaving Egypt…or travelling so that my son can attend a better school? I cannot decide on anything,This is so messed up for me.

 

Do Men Really Like “Bitches”?

Have you read that book called “Why men love bitches”? I did not. Because am not interested in those kinds of books anyways. It’s like in that movie,the Ugly Truth,when Mike Shadway (Gerard Butler) said”Millions and millions wasted on this bullshit,you wanna be  lonely then that’s fine,keep reading these stupid books”.

I had a friend on Facebook who posted that link ,about why men love bitches. This is like a short review of the book,as to why men are attracted to stronger women.I can say this can be understood as mere “generalizing” in categorizing men.

Do you think that men of all races think the same? Sure not. Hispanic men can be different from American ones,who can be different from Europeans,who can be different from Arabs ,who can be different from Asians!

How men were brought up in different geographical locations makes it hard to generalize and say that men prefer stronger women.

To illustrate my point, Arab men beg to differ, they always claim and hang on to this old proverb that : The strength of a woman,lies in her weakness. The more weak and vulnerable you are,the better you’re perceived.They tend to mock women with high aspirations,determination to reach their goals,and those who have opinions of their own and tend not to join the bandwagon.

While some of them claim that they’re different,that they do admire strong women,when the time comes for them to step up and propose,they chicken out and choose someone who can be easier for them to deal with.They might call stronger women as  high maintenance.

But I don’t want to be unfair,There are those who like their wives to be successful,push them to do better,and think that his wife’s success,is his success too. In other words,they’re not threatened,they’re secure with their masculinity. (But they are the minority in the Arab world).

Men are not identical duplicates from each other…

Their personalities are different

Their ethnic group says a lot about how they think and behave

Their history and upbringing determines their choices

Some men love strong women,some men love vulnerable and weak women. Why on earth would you bother yourself and try to fit into someone’s criteria of perfect?

You are who you are,regardless of how long you fake your inner strength. Nobody can live a lie forever you know. So instead of wasting all this time and energy,be yourself,act normally and don’t hide behind a fake mask that you’ve created. You might impress someone,when you don’t try to impress them in the first place.

That’s just how I think.

Marriage

“Marriage is hard. I don’t know how do people do this,It’s unnatural,men and women,are not meant to co-exist”. I am gonna side with Ashton Kutcher on this one.Just a bit.

Just today I was thinking,what the hell did I do to myself? Why the hell did I get married?! My fairytale dreams of post marital life are gone,they’re replaced with more realistic ones and discovering new things,about my hubby and myself.

Six months have passed since we said “I do”, I can say whole heartedly,I only felt like a married couple t for about a month or so,the remaining months were at my mom’s house. Reasons are plenty..

First,My appartement is located in a place that is mostly under-construction, So there isn’t enough security around the place,No neighbours yet,cause the building is still new,and no super intent.Not to mention,It’s really scary to live in the desert!

Second,As you’ve heard of the Egyptian Revolution that broke out on January 25th of this year,and the withdrawal of security forces from the streets,and the release of dangerous prisoners,It was clear that staying in a poorly inhibited mansion would be a crises. It was dangerous ,so again ,we went to my mom’s house.

Oddly enough,that decision to leave our house and live with my mom and brother for a while was a mistake. It made me realise the importance of what I call “the quality-alone time” for both of us. Its not that my mom and brother don’t give us a fair amount of privacy or anything,but knowing that we’re living among other people,in a place that isn’t ours,drifted us away for some time.

I noticed that my husband isn’t attached to me anymore,or the house,ultimately. He started spending more time with his friends ,to the extent that I thought he was a bachelor again. Frankly I didn’t think for an instant that living some place else can place such damage,my mom always said that we should live together alone like a husband and a wife,but she also said that its we have no other choice now,I can’t live there in the desert all by myself till my husband comes back from work.Burgulars and other prisoners were out loose in the streets,and several accidents have been reported of them breaking in houses and stealing,some rape crimes were also reported, It was a mess!

I also became distant from him,I barely saw him.His time was divided between protecting the street among other residents,working and sleeping. the thing is,during the time he used to spend guarding the street at night,he was accompanied by his neighbours and friends,so It was a  fun time for his as well,he got to spend more time with them.It was a bad time for us indeed,The revolution took its toll on us! But I don’t blame it,I mean I’m thankful for God that this has finally happened.

That incident opened my mind to something.Couples should “train” each other to be more indulgent and commited.It’s easy to feel not committed when you’ve got no children or bills to pay. Yes,we paid no bills during our stay at mom’s house,and we don’t have children yet,no schools to attend,nothing! So it was like we’re married but not functioning as a couple.Weird.

I took the matter for granted,thinking I’d be too stupid to stop my husband from seeing his friends or spending time with them,I made it seem like it was no big deal to me, and that its was rightful for him to have this need to spend time with them joking around and talking nonsense. I took it too far,and so did he.

Little by little we distanced ourselves from each other,untill that moment came,we had a terrible huge fight,he left mom’s house,and I left it too,I went to our house as a couple and I stayed there all alone thinking he wouldn’t come cause we had a terrible fight,and I didn’t tell him that I was heading off to our house. He took some time to blow off his steam and he came. We decided to live together at this house no matter what,we finally realised how important it was and what we have missed all these months by not connecting and engaging in each other’s lives. It made me happier than ever,I felt like a real wife now who has responsibilities and things to look after.

So that is something that young married couple should look for,spend more quality time with each other alone,do something fun and interesting together.Because seriously,Not spending enough time for any reason comes with an awful package of trouble and a sense of loneliness for both of you.Something you surely don’t wanna experience.

My brain gives me some very good pieces of advice

Emotion Bliss

Image via Wikipedia

Indeed,I used to think about that unspoken flow of emotion between two strangers, and how they both feel it with the same intensity at the same time, that sense of comfort,excitement,ease,anticipation and sheer happiness upon seeing that person or hearing them speak.

And in my modest humble opinion,that spark goes off by time.I mean when the two start a relationship, these feelings take a different route,those feelings of excitement,anticipation and discovery of one another fade out, and new feelings fade in. Depending on how much they understand,respect and cherish one another, those wonderful feelings mentioned above transform into suspicion,or jealousy,or one of them underestimating the other,or both undermining each other’s personalities and capabilities. It’s when the wall of trust gets torn away,the relationship is doomed.

I can never deny, that during my two years of engagement,that I used to think about that spark and the magic I felt revolving around me and in the air. I used to be uplifted, I used to get carried away, I used to think I was dreaming and this is not the reality,I used to see other people as blurry shapes when I talked to him,either on the phone or just a face to face  conversation,things were different, I was different. And sure as hell he was different too.

But,things change.That’s how life is supposed to go,everything is susceptible to change. Now there is a tight bond-presumably- between us, there are more obligations, and it is a deep waters situation. Because engagement is a promise of marriage, and when the timing of marriage comes nearer and nearer ,suspicion and all kinds of crap just come out.

So now,I know i may never feel that spark again, I know I’ve had many ups and downs in this relationship,I know that we both did so many mistakes. But what if I follow my intuition, and decide to have that feeling again,that magical feeling with someone new. This will surely put an end to a 2 year serious relationship, but what will that spark actually add to me if I lose the one home that I was supposed to have but was destroyed by me?!

So it was that moment when I came to understand, that there is a lot more in life than twinkling sparks and magic in the air, I shouldn’t give away something that I so longed to have. How can those irrational feelings help me when am alone and single? But just to be clear on something,I can also be single and happy, If I knew I was making the right decision by keeping myself single,you know. But if hold myself responsible for ruining my relationship,being single and alone will make life  harder.

Marriage is hard.”Men and women, are not meant to co-exist” . That reminds me of Ashton Kutcher’s line in What happens in Vegas movie. At first, I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but now I do. It takes a lot of effort to support a relationship,to my utter surprise it’s not that easy! The most important thing, Respect,Understanding and love. To tell you the truth, I don’t think anybody can maintain those 3 things at the same time.

I wanna be a grandmother

For someone who doesn’t have any kids of her own anyway, this need is, impossible.

what made me think about it was when I went to one my friend’s wedding last month. I saw how exciting and emotionally filled experience that it is. to have your son or daughter’s wedding, all the planning and the mixed emotions.. not to mention the feeling that all parents have when their kids are about to get married ( of course i know that from movies I haven’t experienced that) your little kids are grown up now, I bet that parents who get to that moment forget about all the trouble these kids have caused them one day, they’ll be happy for them, but sometimes its hard to let go. A real emotional roller coaster that it ,indeed.

when I think about my future,I always dream of having lots of grand kids,not my kids,grand kids. why is that? because its the easiest most sweetest thing to do. I mean my job as a grandmother would be to smother these kids,shower them with presents and candy, give them all what they want,let them play and stay up all night at my house if you want to…I think am gonna make a very cool grandmother.for you know,I’m gonna be the spoiler,that’s my job,at least that’s what I think and want…

I’m not gonna be in charge of anything serious here, except when I feel an huge urge to give them a small piece of advice,and to pass my knowledge and wisdom of all the years! am just being ironic here. but seriously, one way or another they’re gonna need someone to tell them what’s right and what’s wrong. let them hear some old sayings,that they’ll keep remembering even after my death, who knows? but again, its nothing serious, am just a spoiler grandma..

that’s how I want them to remember me when am dead. maybe one day they’ll read this blog and discover something about me that they never knew.. or maybe this blog would still be there when am over 50 years old, and I would search through my archives to find a very old post I made ..30 years ago.

Love:When age becomes a stumbling block

Love actually is all around, not dignified or news worthy, but we cannot live without it no matter how hard we claim we can.

It’s one of my life time wishes to see things change, because I always have this naïve day dreaming that there’s no hatred on earth and I’m only surrounded by the ones I love and who love me back too. But then I force myself to go back to reality and face the facts. What I’m wishing for can only be found in heaven, not on this planet…sad isn’t it??

I read Danielle steel’s novels, and I wonder, can someone have a very special devoted relationship with another, a love that defies all rules and social norms. Something that only the couple can see as something very special and satisfying while everyone thinks it’s insane??!!

Brings to my mind the story of Monica Geller and Richard Berk, in the FRIENDS TV Series. He was like 21 years older than her, her father’s friend, and is already a grandfather. I keep thinking how fate can be so twisted, who would have thought that when she was 9 and he was 30, they will one day hook up?? It seems insane and far from logical. Logic would say that she would be better off dating his son, because he’ll be the same age as her… but how can two people who have such a vast age difference, make it work??

I gather that this kind of relationship can be very tricky and risky. I think it can be ok in the first few years of marriage, but as he gets older, they’ll both be certain that they’ve done a huge mistake. Often they end in one of the partners committing infidelity, most probably the younger one. And it makes sense; she’ll be more attracted to someone her age, younger, healthier, and less rational and wants to explore things that he hadn’t explored yet. Some one that she can grow old with and learn life lessons with…

I’ve read about celebrities who married much younger men or women, that age is just a number. It’s all about love and the deep commitment towards one another…like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, or Catherine zeta jhones and Michael Douglas, he’s almost twice her age and am still surprised at how these 2 are still together. But I have to say, I’m happy for them.

When I see these examples, I automatically get this impression that the younger spouse misses his mother or father figure. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I believe it. But it makes me sad when I see this, and I sympathize with those who think they’re in love with the older partner, when in fact they just need a father….

Here comes the hardest part, Goodbyes. It can be a must in a case like this, and will leave both heavy hearted and broken.or maybe not. maybe they’ll call it quits for good,or maybe they won’t say goodbye at all… I agree with the opinion that says that in life there are no guarantees…But love alone,cannot sustain a relationship.

My Mother(My Angel)

forgive me if I’ve ever been rude or inconsiderate or sometimes-stupid,I owe you sooo damm much,if it wasn’t for you,I would have probably been a whole different person,I would have lost faith in life and in myself. at the end of the day,you are the one that I turn to for comfort and reassurance,I really don’t know what could have happened to me without you.you deserve all the best,and no matter how hard I try to give you back some of your love and care,it won’t be enough.I will always be there for you,and I will risk anything for you.No one will ever be as kind or loving towards me,as much as you do. you are my angel and always will be.despite all the rough times,and silly arguments and problems that we’ve gone through,you prove to me everyday that you are worthy of all the love and attention that I can ever offer to someone.you are my number one.LOve you mommy!!!

Personal Journals of Life's Lessons and Experiences Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory
script type="text/javascript"> var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-18941955-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();


Blogging Women
%d bloggers like this: