Get Over Marital crap,Get busy

Lots of married young women,and older women complain that their husband is emotionally unavailable. I know,it’s depressing. That cliché’ about the pre marital spark that goes off by time,routine takes over,and your life seems too boring and you may even be so depressed ,that you perceive it as a pile of shit.

This wasn’t what you had in mind when you said I do to this guy.He might have been honest when he promised you a life time of happiness, but something always goes wrong. Maybe in the upcoming lines we’ll know what it is.

Pregnancy comes with a package of hormonal imbalances and mood swings.Women can relate to that because these symptoms are pretty much like the menstruation phase. I don’t think a guy in the 21st century hasn’t heard of “mood swings” and all the hormonal crap the media talks about. But why do men seem that cold?

It gets a bit worse towards the end of pregnancy. Because you become larger, you suffer from abdominal pains and leg cramps and,you go the bathroom way too much!! And that’s the worst part, if he takes you out to dinner,you’ll excuse yourself to got the restroom like 10 times.

But that’s not even the core of the issue. Some men, are “embarressed” to walk around with their expecting wives. Don’t ask me how they even allowed themselves to feel that way. Women have sensors,they can feel and read between the lines even if there are no spoken words. So if the husband notices that his wife looks a little gloomy suddenly,he might be the cause ,or the main cause along with other fears related to pregnancy and this life changing event.

Regardless of how hard the husband tries to persuade his wife that non of the crap inside her head is true, she trusts her instincts. Even if she wants to believe him.

So ,instead of lying around,bitching about how your life is lame and how bored or depressed you are, Get Busy. It is the truth universally acknowledged,that when you keep yourself occupied,your focus will shift away from all the negative thoughts that drain your energy and waste your time. Or at least it will help you focus  less on what you hate about your surroundings.

If you’re pregnant,and you are physically unable to work at the moment, your friends are all working now and got busy with their lives,you can come up with a bunch of ideas to keep yourself occupied:

a. Write a blog, if you like writing and expressing yourself that way, do it.

b.Read a nice book

C.Play vedio games

D. Arrannge for some friends to meet up every once in a while

E. Cook,that’s fun

F.Play some music ( if you know how to play the piano or the guitar )

G.Go baby shopping (Don’t do it all at once,buy a few things every day)

H.Watch friends or stand-up comedies

I.Start writing a birth plan,it’s very important to let your OB know what you really want.

J.Stare in the middle of no-where and do nothing

K. Take a bubble bath or go swimming

L.Go to the spa (have a nice massage,manicure/pedicure soak,or a Moroccan bath)

M.If you’re interested,start planning a baby shower,plan a theme,the type of food you’re gonna serve,etc.

I got bored with listing things. You can do whatever you like to keep yourself happy and entertained. Be your own wind keeper ( A book mentioned in friends sitcom). If your husband is emotionally unavailable,inattentive to your needs or fears & shares nothing with you… its heart breaking. But not the end of the world.

Make him pay for it in your own special way. Some men need to step up and face their responsibilities,the hard way.

If having a civilised discussion or a fight,or ignoring him all together doesn’t help, Prove to him that you have other things to do in life other than thinking about him.

You owe yourself some happiness and satisfaction, think about all the women who got knocked-up by their boyfriends and had to face all the pregnancy phases all alone. Just thinking that there are others who suffer from stuff a lot worse than yours,can help you see things in a more realistic manner.

That’s why marriage is hard,you can’t expect your husband to be prince charming all the time. Hey,you’re not perfect either! Patience and perseverance is needed.

This isn’t a call for women to surrender and give up on their dream of having the life they dreamed of. In fact, I think it can be a practical solution to save your sanity,if you lose your sanity and become insane,you’re marriage is doomed to faliure.

Because sure as hell there can be good qualities about your guy,he can’t be all terrible (unless he’s troubled or has communication issues).You should always remind yourself that you’re living on mother earth,not your fantasy land. So your effort can be divided into entertaining yourself whichever way possible,and trying to

And know this, No bad deed ever goes unpunished.

Marriage

“Marriage is hard. I don’t know how do people do this,It’s unnatural,men and women,are not meant to co-exist”. I am gonna side with Ashton Kutcher on this one.Just a bit.

Just today I was thinking,what the hell did I do to myself? Why the hell did I get married?! My fairytale dreams of post marital life are gone,they’re replaced with more realistic ones and discovering new things,about my hubby and myself.

Six months have passed since we said “I do”, I can say whole heartedly,I only felt like a married couple t for about a month or so,the remaining months were at my mom’s house. Reasons are plenty..

First,My appartement is located in a place that is mostly under-construction, So there isn’t enough security around the place,No neighbours yet,cause the building is still new,and no super intent.Not to mention,It’s really scary to live in the desert!

Second,As you’ve heard of the Egyptian Revolution that broke out on January 25th of this year,and the withdrawal of security forces from the streets,and the release of dangerous prisoners,It was clear that staying in a poorly inhibited mansion would be a crises. It was dangerous ,so again ,we went to my mom’s house.

Oddly enough,that decision to leave our house and live with my mom and brother for a while was a mistake. It made me realise the importance of what I call “the quality-alone time” for both of us. Its not that my mom and brother don’t give us a fair amount of privacy or anything,but knowing that we’re living among other people,in a place that isn’t ours,drifted us away for some time.

I noticed that my husband isn’t attached to me anymore,or the house,ultimately. He started spending more time with his friends ,to the extent that I thought he was a bachelor again. Frankly I didn’t think for an instant that living some place else can place such damage,my mom always said that we should live together alone like a husband and a wife,but she also said that its we have no other choice now,I can’t live there in the desert all by myself till my husband comes back from work.Burgulars and other prisoners were out loose in the streets,and several accidents have been reported of them breaking in houses and stealing,some rape crimes were also reported, It was a mess!

I also became distant from him,I barely saw him.His time was divided between protecting the street among other residents,working and sleeping. the thing is,during the time he used to spend guarding the street at night,he was accompanied by his neighbours and friends,so It was a  fun time for his as well,he got to spend more time with them.It was a bad time for us indeed,The revolution took its toll on us! But I don’t blame it,I mean I’m thankful for God that this has finally happened.

That incident opened my mind to something.Couples should “train” each other to be more indulgent and commited.It’s easy to feel not committed when you’ve got no children or bills to pay. Yes,we paid no bills during our stay at mom’s house,and we don’t have children yet,no schools to attend,nothing! So it was like we’re married but not functioning as a couple.Weird.

I took the matter for granted,thinking I’d be too stupid to stop my husband from seeing his friends or spending time with them,I made it seem like it was no big deal to me, and that its was rightful for him to have this need to spend time with them joking around and talking nonsense. I took it too far,and so did he.

Little by little we distanced ourselves from each other,untill that moment came,we had a terrible huge fight,he left mom’s house,and I left it too,I went to our house as a couple and I stayed there all alone thinking he wouldn’t come cause we had a terrible fight,and I didn’t tell him that I was heading off to our house. He took some time to blow off his steam and he came. We decided to live together at this house no matter what,we finally realised how important it was and what we have missed all these months by not connecting and engaging in each other’s lives. It made me happier than ever,I felt like a real wife now who has responsibilities and things to look after.

So that is something that young married couple should look for,spend more quality time with each other alone,do something fun and interesting together.Because seriously,Not spending enough time for any reason comes with an awful package of trouble and a sense of loneliness for both of you.Something you surely don’t wanna experience.

….

It’s been so long since I’ve written something. But I wasn’t sure I had anything to write about.Although I’ve been through a lot, but I just couldn’t write anything I don’t know why…

I got married and went off to Malaysia for my honeymoon. It was great,I love travelling. I got to imagine how life would be like if I was living there. Clean streets,cheerful and peaceful people,somehow reasonable prices,great food,wonderful relaxing scenary…the list could go on and on and may never end. I miss it terribly.

I felt like a stranger in my own house, and I had that feeling that this house is just a temporary location for me,I’ll be going to mom’s house afterwards because this is what I call HOME. I felt like I was a guest at my own appartment….I had some difficult time adapting to a new house with a new bed and stuff like that.

Not to mention, adapting to a brand new life with my husband. We’ve been engaged for 2 years, but still, you get to discover some new things everyday.

I felt responsible,that was a new kind of responsibility. I was responsible before for my studies and my own life andd actions. But I felt like my husband is my resposibility too. I have to look after him and take care of his needs,fix dinner before he comes home,shop for grocerries,do the laundry,make a list for the house needs and Keep track of thr DAMN BUDGET. you know its hard when you walk down in a  mega supermarket and find 2339283938 brands of soap and shampoo,pasta,noodles,milk,cereal. I get all confused and might buy anything but the stuff I have on the list…Its even harder to shop when you’re hungry…That’s why they say never shop when you’re hungry. But what can I say? I never listen.

As much as I wanted to work, I kind of hesitated when I came back from my honeymoon. I felt burdened by all the stuff I have to make at my new house, and I was still adapting to living with my hubby,I felt I wouldn’t be able to handle both. Because the house chores really take a lot out of you. But then I thought of all of the other married women who juggle work and their house and kids.So,I forced myself to send out my CV and Cover letters to my potential employers,just in case anyone can reply and schedule and interview.

 That’s it for now,I’ll continue the rest tomorrow maybe or after that. Stay tuned..Or whatever

Who should be on your wedding list?

Just now, I was bombarded with an awful number of questions about my plans and wedding plans. from who? one of my old neighbours. She has this reputation of sticking her dam nose into other people’s businesses ALL THE TIME. But what it comes to her stuff, she’s better than the CIA or the FBI in keeping that ,a secret. So its’ ok for her to ask, but not for anyone else.End of story.

While she may have a number of good qualities,people overlook them,because her one single flaw,is pretty big.

Is it respectful or even sensible, to go for a “soon to become” bride, and tell her that what if the wedding doesn’t turn out the way you like it? what about your furniture? what if they’re poorly made or have lots of flaws, what if you’re not able to finish your entire apartment by the time of the wedding?? why did you set the wedding in such a tight time frame?? lots of whys,hows,whos,whats…..I was really annoyed,I wanted to shoo her out of my house and tell her to scram…and most importantly,I hate it when I see envies in people’s eyes toward me. Ironically, those people were invited to the wedding. Now I really don’t want them to come.

This has gotten me thinking about who SHOULD be on your wedding list,I admit,I am one of the people who feel somehow obligated to invite other to my wedding or whatever,we’ve been neighbours for more that 22 years,so much history there,happy memories,sad memories.We shared a lot. So I guess,it is kind of rude if they don’t get invited…

But that doesn’t justify,in any way,her sticking her nose in my buisness.If you had seen the way she was talking to me you would have understood. She was amazed at how calm and sensible I seemed to be. It’s almost as if I should be panicking and screaming at the top of my lungs…as if there is something wrong with me.Can you imagine how lame and stupid that is??

Back to the main question. Who should be on your wedding list?

  1. Someone who loves you for you,and wants to share such a special occasion with you.
  2. Those who did actually invite you to their wedding before. You should definitely invite them. Otherwise,It would be rude if you don’t.
  3. Only the ones you consider “friends” , not your entire class at school or the entire neighbourhood just because you want to have a big wedding with a big wedding list. Believe me,it’s not about quantity.
  4. Party animals.Enough said. Sure as hell they will make it more fun then ever.They know what to do.

Now,Who should NOT be on you wedding list?

  1. Your single desperate mean spirited friends.They won’t show up at your wedding for nothing. They feel bad about themselves already for still being single,they might point out all the flaws in your wedding dress,food menu…etc or even your groom! They will attend in search for suitors…
  2. Jealousy-filled angry young ladies. She might be married,engaged,in a committed relationship. But she just can’t feel happy for you. Mental comparisons between her wedding and yours are constantly on her mind.Bad choice of guest if you ask me..
  3. Exes.Your ex-boyfriend,fiance’ shouldn’t be invited.In my honest opinion.Why the hell would you want your ex to attend? To prove that your over them?I think this is a bad sign.Because it means that you still care enough to prove something to them.

Needles to mention;If you have a single friend,who loves you,doesn’t envy you,You can help her find her suitor by inviting her .How bad can this be ,right?

My brain gives me some very good pieces of advice

Emotion Bliss

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Indeed,I used to think about that unspoken flow of emotion between two strangers, and how they both feel it with the same intensity at the same time, that sense of comfort,excitement,ease,anticipation and sheer happiness upon seeing that person or hearing them speak.

And in my modest humble opinion,that spark goes off by time.I mean when the two start a relationship, these feelings take a different route,those feelings of excitement,anticipation and discovery of one another fade out, and new feelings fade in. Depending on how much they understand,respect and cherish one another, those wonderful feelings mentioned above transform into suspicion,or jealousy,or one of them underestimating the other,or both undermining each other’s personalities and capabilities. It’s when the wall of trust gets torn away,the relationship is doomed.

I can never deny, that during my two years of engagement,that I used to think about that spark and the magic I felt revolving around me and in the air. I used to be uplifted, I used to get carried away, I used to think I was dreaming and this is not the reality,I used to see other people as blurry shapes when I talked to him,either on the phone or just a face to face  conversation,things were different, I was different. And sure as hell he was different too.

But,things change.That’s how life is supposed to go,everything is susceptible to change. Now there is a tight bond-presumably- between us, there are more obligations, and it is a deep waters situation. Because engagement is a promise of marriage, and when the timing of marriage comes nearer and nearer ,suspicion and all kinds of crap just come out.

So now,I know i may never feel that spark again, I know I’ve had many ups and downs in this relationship,I know that we both did so many mistakes. But what if I follow my intuition, and decide to have that feeling again,that magical feeling with someone new. This will surely put an end to a 2 year serious relationship, but what will that spark actually add to me if I lose the one home that I was supposed to have but was destroyed by me?!

So it was that moment when I came to understand, that there is a lot more in life than twinkling sparks and magic in the air, I shouldn’t give away something that I so longed to have. How can those irrational feelings help me when am alone and single? But just to be clear on something,I can also be single and happy, If I knew I was making the right decision by keeping myself single,you know. But if hold myself responsible for ruining my relationship,being single and alone will make life  harder.

Marriage is hard.”Men and women, are not meant to co-exist” . That reminds me of Ashton Kutcher’s line in What happens in Vegas movie. At first, I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but now I do. It takes a lot of effort to support a relationship,to my utter surprise it’s not that easy! The most important thing, Respect,Understanding and love. To tell you the truth, I don’t think anybody can maintain those 3 things at the same time.

I’m the master: in doing nothing

I’ve just graduated. and I’m supposed to get married soon. so far there isn’t an issue as you might think. but there is a teeny tiny problem.

I have nothing to do. you might say why don’t you go ahead and look for a job? I want to work,I’ve been studying for 4 years and I don’t want to spend my life at home as a house-wife. but the wedding is getting so near now ,and if I get accepted for a job, and then suddenly tell them, oh am sorry,I need to take 10 days off for my honeymoon…how is that like? what kind of impression is that? is it even legitimate to be a brand new staff member and then take a 10 days break?? as far as I know, No.

So now I just have to wait,and then I’ll start to seriously look for a job. ( isa)

So I decided to do what ever I feel like doing right now, no strings attached.because I may never get that again. who knows?

the first thing would be to sleep in as many hours as I want to, the second thing is to hit the gym(u can say how is that possible when you sleep so much), the third thing is to blog. that’s what is interesting and new to me. fourth would be….to buy some more novels and read. I love reading.

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