My biggest Dilemma

Is it my fault that I’m family oriented? That I always put the interest of my child/family first?

Because I always put family first,I’m torn between two options:

A. Traveling to Qatar to join my husband because he works there now

B.Stay in my country with my mom

I know you might be thinking,this is too easy, go with your husband!

but no,let me explain to you-if you’re interested to know-

My parents got divorced 8 years ago,and now my mom lives with my bro.I got married and moved to a new house of course,but we see each other almost everyday.Mom didnt get married after that and preffered to stay with us and spend the rest of her life “free” as she puts it. She had the option of getting married again but she refused it,she didn’t want to put more psychological pressure on us because my dad also got married again , and I wasn’t the least happy,it was hell for me. so she didnt wanna make it worse,in other words,she sacrificed a  lot for our sake.

Now she’s so deeply attached to my little boy Ziad who is 2 years old,she raised him with me if i might say. I cannot imagine leaving her and travelling to another country,I fear that she’ll be lonely or sad..I know my mom is a very strong person and she will never admit that,but she did a lot for me,the least I can do is to pay her back by being with her and attending to all her needs.I want to be there for her whenever she needed me,Which I wont be able to do when I am abroad..BUT,

On the other hand,The school system in Egypt is a wreck.Tution fees of good schools is sky rocketing,Which my husband won’t able to afforfd if he worked here because his salary wasnt that big. So,we always wanted the best for our child,and that’s the main reason why my husband claims he wants to travel for.

So,Being there for my mom and not leaving Egypt…or travelling so that my son can attend a better school? I cannot decide on anything,This is so messed up for me.

 

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To anyone who reads my blog

My son just turned 1-year-old today. That’s right.I have a gorgeous angel named “Ziad” who was born on this very day,a year ago,at noon.

I know that’s not a good reason for me to stop writing,but believe it or not,I lacked inspiration…

It’s not that am a terrific writer or anything,but if you take a look at my earlier posts,you’ll find a common thread between all of them. I’m intrigued ,annoyed or impressed by a certain issue . Having a baby was far more than any feeling I ever felt.

I tried to translate my feelings into words but couldn’t. How I felt when I first saw him,how my life went upside down the minute he came to the house,how tired and sleepless I used to be..you know the story with first time moms. Lucky me I had my gorgeous mom with me all the time. She helped me with every single thing my baby needed. God bless her.

Now that my baby has finally developed a nice and bearable sleeping schedule..my life just got a little bit easier .

 

One of the many blessings that came along with my son’s arrival,is that my relationship with my Dad has finally been fixed. We stayed for about a year with no connection whatsoever,no reason to state why now. The most important thing is,we’re back on track. I thank God for this, and then my brother. I remember correctly that he was so eager that my dad and I patch things up because… we both felt devastated that Ziad never saw his grandpa . I so badly wanted this to happen but I couldn’t approach him. My bro helped me a great deal.

There’s only one little bump on this beautiful road until now. Ziad’s father,isn’t really connected to him the way that I want to. Some say that fatherhood develops a little late in men,unlike women who were born “moms” … I’ll talk about that later.

All in all, I’m blessed and more than thankful for this wonderful gift named Ziad. I love you and I will always be there for you. You are my hope,and my sunshine,you’re my everything…My Boy

 

Do Men Really Like “Bitches”?

Have you read that book called “Why men love bitches”? I did not. Because am not interested in those kinds of books anyways. It’s like in that movie,the Ugly Truth,when Mike Shadway (Gerard Butler) said”Millions and millions wasted on this bullshit,you wanna be  lonely then that’s fine,keep reading these stupid books”.

I had a friend on Facebook who posted that link ,about why men love bitches. This is like a short review of the book,as to why men are attracted to stronger women.I can say this can be understood as mere “generalizing” in categorizing men.

Do you think that men of all races think the same? Sure not. Hispanic men can be different from American ones,who can be different from Europeans,who can be different from Arabs ,who can be different from Asians!

How men were brought up in different geographical locations makes it hard to generalize and say that men prefer stronger women.

To illustrate my point, Arab men beg to differ, they always claim and hang on to this old proverb that : The strength of a woman,lies in her weakness. The more weak and vulnerable you are,the better you’re perceived.They tend to mock women with high aspirations,determination to reach their goals,and those who have opinions of their own and tend not to join the bandwagon.

While some of them claim that they’re different,that they do admire strong women,when the time comes for them to step up and propose,they chicken out and choose someone who can be easier for them to deal with.They might call stronger women as  high maintenance.

But I don’t want to be unfair,There are those who like their wives to be successful,push them to do better,and think that his wife’s success,is his success too. In other words,they’re not threatened,they’re secure with their masculinity. (But they are the minority in the Arab world).

Men are not identical duplicates from each other…

Their personalities are different

Their ethnic group says a lot about how they think and behave

Their history and upbringing determines their choices

Some men love strong women,some men love vulnerable and weak women. Why on earth would you bother yourself and try to fit into someone’s criteria of perfect?

You are who you are,regardless of how long you fake your inner strength. Nobody can live a lie forever you know. So instead of wasting all this time and energy,be yourself,act normally and don’t hide behind a fake mask that you’ve created. You might impress someone,when you don’t try to impress them in the first place.

That’s just how I think.

The Friendship Don’ts

As cliché as it is, it has been ongoing inside my mind for a while.Specially after I ended my friendship with someone I knew from college a couple of months ago.

To cut it short,I’ll tell you how can you ruin a friendship or let it deteriorate quickly (In my humble opinion):

A.Invade their privacy: Become too available,hunt them wherever they go,ask inappropriate questions,stop by their place uninvited.

B.Pointing out flaws: Whether it’s their choice for outfits,partner (for girls this could be like a deal-breaker,specially if she really loves and respects him),approach in parenting,hairstyle…etc the list is endless. There is a thin line between giving some kind advice,and pointing out flaws. C ‘ amon, even preaching has its rules!

C.Borrow money and never return it: Gosh I loathe that. The way someone can so easily ask for some money and just never gives it back,I don’t know it its intentional or they just forget it about it.It can be really annoying if you don’t have what it takes to ask for your money back. Am talking about a sum less that 50 LE or$$. But if it’s a lot more than that…Hell yeah,I’ll demand it,firmly. It’s just rude and irresponsible. When you ask for money you should make sure you can return it…right? I might also say that it’s the general idea of borrowing “stuff” and not returning them, such as a camera,a book,a DVD or just a purse(girls -only thing).

D.Brag about how rich you are: Who on earth can do this,and have any doubts that people might hate them afterwards?! How lame…Did I ask you how much your dad paid for his God damned car? Did I ask you how much money he has in his bank account? Did I ask you about how much you get for your allowance each month?! How can people think they can get away with this without being severely criticized? Or being thought of as snobbish and incredibly boring?! I’ll tell you one thing: The more you brag about that,the more I am dead sure that you suffered some terrible economic conditions in your childhood or had a very humble upbringing(I’m not saying that humble upbringings are bad or shameful,on the contrary,it is bad and shameful when you try to show off and prove to everyone that you’re richer than them,its pathetic and annoying). Drives people away…isn’t it?

E.The general idea of bragging and showing off: Wheather you brag about how clever you were in school,how many boys/girls wanted so badly to date you back then,how manage to know everything about everything,and everyone..aka Miss/Mr. Know it all type thing…sometimes when others take it too far,I begin to doubt if their whole story is even true!

F.Become a lazy ass: Enough said! Some folks just like to hang out more often,that requires that you can “easily” get your ass out of the house and meet them. They don’t wanna hear: Oh but my mom won’t allow me to (believe me,some 20+ human beings still do it), or ohh…that’s too far, can you come and pick me up? why can’t you take a taxi ? or even suggest that someone  meets you half way for instance?! If I come and pick you 2 or 3 or even 4 times,I won’t do it again…Hell am not your driver!!

That’s enough for now,there are tons of other stuff that you can do to repel others, intentionally or just by acting “normally” according to what’s normal to YOU. What’s normal to you is NOT normal to others! It would be just easier to stick to rules and etiquette for sustaining a friendship..isn’t it?

Marriage

“Marriage is hard. I don’t know how do people do this,It’s unnatural,men and women,are not meant to co-exist”. I am gonna side with Ashton Kutcher on this one.Just a bit.

Just today I was thinking,what the hell did I do to myself? Why the hell did I get married?! My fairytale dreams of post marital life are gone,they’re replaced with more realistic ones and discovering new things,about my hubby and myself.

Six months have passed since we said “I do”, I can say whole heartedly,I only felt like a married couple t for about a month or so,the remaining months were at my mom’s house. Reasons are plenty..

First,My appartement is located in a place that is mostly under-construction, So there isn’t enough security around the place,No neighbours yet,cause the building is still new,and no super intent.Not to mention,It’s really scary to live in the desert!

Second,As you’ve heard of the Egyptian Revolution that broke out on January 25th of this year,and the withdrawal of security forces from the streets,and the release of dangerous prisoners,It was clear that staying in a poorly inhibited mansion would be a crises. It was dangerous ,so again ,we went to my mom’s house.

Oddly enough,that decision to leave our house and live with my mom and brother for a while was a mistake. It made me realise the importance of what I call “the quality-alone time” for both of us. Its not that my mom and brother don’t give us a fair amount of privacy or anything,but knowing that we’re living among other people,in a place that isn’t ours,drifted us away for some time.

I noticed that my husband isn’t attached to me anymore,or the house,ultimately. He started spending more time with his friends ,to the extent that I thought he was a bachelor again. Frankly I didn’t think for an instant that living some place else can place such damage,my mom always said that we should live together alone like a husband and a wife,but she also said that its we have no other choice now,I can’t live there in the desert all by myself till my husband comes back from work.Burgulars and other prisoners were out loose in the streets,and several accidents have been reported of them breaking in houses and stealing,some rape crimes were also reported, It was a mess!

I also became distant from him,I barely saw him.His time was divided between protecting the street among other residents,working and sleeping. the thing is,during the time he used to spend guarding the street at night,he was accompanied by his neighbours and friends,so It was a  fun time for his as well,he got to spend more time with them.It was a bad time for us indeed,The revolution took its toll on us! But I don’t blame it,I mean I’m thankful for God that this has finally happened.

That incident opened my mind to something.Couples should “train” each other to be more indulgent and commited.It’s easy to feel not committed when you’ve got no children or bills to pay. Yes,we paid no bills during our stay at mom’s house,and we don’t have children yet,no schools to attend,nothing! So it was like we’re married but not functioning as a couple.Weird.

I took the matter for granted,thinking I’d be too stupid to stop my husband from seeing his friends or spending time with them,I made it seem like it was no big deal to me, and that its was rightful for him to have this need to spend time with them joking around and talking nonsense. I took it too far,and so did he.

Little by little we distanced ourselves from each other,untill that moment came,we had a terrible huge fight,he left mom’s house,and I left it too,I went to our house as a couple and I stayed there all alone thinking he wouldn’t come cause we had a terrible fight,and I didn’t tell him that I was heading off to our house. He took some time to blow off his steam and he came. We decided to live together at this house no matter what,we finally realised how important it was and what we have missed all these months by not connecting and engaging in each other’s lives. It made me happier than ever,I felt like a real wife now who has responsibilities and things to look after.

So that is something that young married couple should look for,spend more quality time with each other alone,do something fun and interesting together.Because seriously,Not spending enough time for any reason comes with an awful package of trouble and a sense of loneliness for both of you.Something you surely don’t wanna experience.

Why do people get so panicked when they turn 50?

I’ve seen Hugh grant on a TV show by Jonathan Ross,and he opened up about his fear of aging and stuff. He said he’s worried about turning 50,and he was thinking about going to “Dignitas” ( an Euthanasia group) in Switzerland.

What is so significant about this number? Does it mark the transition from being an adult to being old ? Franky,I don’t think it is.

I liked what some celebrities have said about it,that age is just a number.Doesn’t have to do anything with how smart,how loving and optimistic you are or can be.My mom and dad are still as youthful and joyful at heart,And I remember my late Granddad,he was old, but he was still very youthful and loving life to the maximum…I love that spirit,and I love those who believe that life starts after 60.

While there are people who just love life,there are those who just wait for their expiration date;aka death. I had a friend ,who told me when I turned 18,that I’m getting older now,my lovely teenage years and childhood years are soon to be over,I’m in the adult zone now,which of course wasn’t the case. But look at her perspective,see how gloomy that is?? What I simply told her was exactly like that: why don’t I go ahead and dig a huge hole in the ground,stay in it,and wait for the angel of death to take my soul??

There are stages in one’s life that you just have to go through, with each stage,you have a role to play.Just thinking like that makes me feel excited about experiencing something new. Anything new always gets me excited.

Maybe that’s the reason he freaked out. He once quoted himself as a ” sad old man”.I felt really sad for him. I imagined that I had the chance to cheer him up and help him in a way,maybe he can find a way out of this miserable zone by establishing a family,living alone can make it much harder…At least if he had a child, he would have a reason to live for. Maybe he thinks he was too busy focusing on his career that he forgot about aging and his future….

I think this can be a wake up call for all the guys and girls who never wish to marry in the near future..one day they might find themselves alone,with no one to care for..or have no one care about them…

Marriage is a lifetime commitment that has promises of both the good ,the bad to come.

Who should be on your wedding list?

Just now, I was bombarded with an awful number of questions about my plans and wedding plans. from who? one of my old neighbours. She has this reputation of sticking her dam nose into other people’s businesses ALL THE TIME. But what it comes to her stuff, she’s better than the CIA or the FBI in keeping that ,a secret. So its’ ok for her to ask, but not for anyone else.End of story.

While she may have a number of good qualities,people overlook them,because her one single flaw,is pretty big.

Is it respectful or even sensible, to go for a “soon to become” bride, and tell her that what if the wedding doesn’t turn out the way you like it? what about your furniture? what if they’re poorly made or have lots of flaws, what if you’re not able to finish your entire apartment by the time of the wedding?? why did you set the wedding in such a tight time frame?? lots of whys,hows,whos,whats…..I was really annoyed,I wanted to shoo her out of my house and tell her to scram…and most importantly,I hate it when I see envies in people’s eyes toward me. Ironically, those people were invited to the wedding. Now I really don’t want them to come.

This has gotten me thinking about who SHOULD be on your wedding list,I admit,I am one of the people who feel somehow obligated to invite other to my wedding or whatever,we’ve been neighbours for more that 22 years,so much history there,happy memories,sad memories.We shared a lot. So I guess,it is kind of rude if they don’t get invited…

But that doesn’t justify,in any way,her sticking her nose in my buisness.If you had seen the way she was talking to me you would have understood. She was amazed at how calm and sensible I seemed to be. It’s almost as if I should be panicking and screaming at the top of my lungs…as if there is something wrong with me.Can you imagine how lame and stupid that is??

Back to the main question. Who should be on your wedding list?

  1. Someone who loves you for you,and wants to share such a special occasion with you.
  2. Those who did actually invite you to their wedding before. You should definitely invite them. Otherwise,It would be rude if you don’t.
  3. Only the ones you consider “friends” , not your entire class at school or the entire neighbourhood just because you want to have a big wedding with a big wedding list. Believe me,it’s not about quantity.
  4. Party animals.Enough said. Sure as hell they will make it more fun then ever.They know what to do.

Now,Who should NOT be on you wedding list?

  1. Your single desperate mean spirited friends.They won’t show up at your wedding for nothing. They feel bad about themselves already for still being single,they might point out all the flaws in your wedding dress,food menu…etc or even your groom! They will attend in search for suitors…
  2. Jealousy-filled angry young ladies. She might be married,engaged,in a committed relationship. But she just can’t feel happy for you. Mental comparisons between her wedding and yours are constantly on her mind.Bad choice of guest if you ask me..
  3. Exes.Your ex-boyfriend,fiance’ shouldn’t be invited.In my honest opinion.Why the hell would you want your ex to attend? To prove that your over them?I think this is a bad sign.Because it means that you still care enough to prove something to them.

Needles to mention;If you have a single friend,who loves you,doesn’t envy you,You can help her find her suitor by inviting her .How bad can this be ,right?

Socialization

When I was young, I can say with all confidence , I was a huge introvert. I guess I was born that way,I feared people and interacting with them,and that thing stayed with me for years until I got sick of my own self.

It’s when you set very high standards for yourself and start comparing yourself with others, your self-esteem goes way down, and if someone thinks that way, they probably have a low self-esteem anyway. so it’s a vicious circle, never-ending misery and self loathing.

It was when I went to college, that I had a huge make-over. I don’t want to describe it, but I can tell you that it has changed a lot in me.

I learned that you should never be picky when it comes to choosing your friends, and by that I mean , what really matters is the people themselves, not their social statues, financial statues, cool kids or nerds.. its nice and healthy to have them all. to elaborate more on that, let me ask you this: what good can come out of befriending “cool kids” who have no morals and can so easily stab you in the back ? what good can come out of befriending geeks and nerds who also have no morals, and may never help you in studying and only want you as companions during the assembly hour?? both are equally dull and useless. there are cool kids out there who have morals and ethics,and can truly love you. and there are also other kids, who come from  a modest humble background,and can also make very good friends who can be there for you in hard times. do you get my point?

another thing is that,I shouldn’t  judge people until I test them, or a test can come along without planning,suddenly something happens that opens your eyes and mind to things that you never thought they existed. sounds familiar?

I’ve experienced that it’s very important to make a good first impression when meeting new people ( in case you care about that in the first place). so that’s what I got from it

  • being too talkative repels people
  • talking about yourself all the time also does it, boasting about your culinary powers or how much money you         have really makes people loathe the site of you, they’ll think you’re a snob. or nouveau riche
  • being too quite is also annoying, when people start initiating questions, and you answer boldly,with just a few words,makes people think badly of you. you are either uninterested in them, or a snob who doesn’t wanna talk to “people” or someone who’s just too stupid to figure out the right words to say… not all people bother themselves to come up with excuses on why you don’t wanna talk. they judge (at least this is what I see).
  • when it comes to guys, being too showy of your muscles, and boasting about your powers and how strong you are and how many guys you’ve beaten to death is kind of a turn off,girls usually think this is pretty dull

I also learned that there’s no harm or danger in initiating conversations with people,I used to be afraid that people might act rudely or wouldn’t be as welcoming or friendly, but turns out , that there are lots of really nice people just waiting for a gesture from someone,,,you can never blame yourself  for trying it out.

I’ve seen that people, are not always who they seem to be. I’ve perceived  some people as incredibly annoying and irritating, but then I discovered that they are the absolute opposite, and they can be very good friends too. and vice versa, there were those people who you -at one point- considered them your friends, but then it turns out that they never were,and you were fooled.

Being too sociable gets you into trouble, I was never the “social butterfly”,but I’ve seen some of my friends “complain” about the misfortunes they’ve had when they befriended certain people,and how they regretted knowing them in the first place. there are 2 sides to that story. one that says, there’s no harm in making lots of friends, just keep an appropriate distance and you’ll be fine. another one says, you should establish a filtering system,not everyone can be suitable to fit in your ” circle of trust”.

to me, I side more on the 2nd side of the story. I attempt to make friends with people who I like and want to get to know better, and I welcome those who I sense that we both have things in common, and someone I can feel familiar with at some point, not completely different from. I automatically drift apart from those that I have nothing in common with. it just happens, I never planned on using a filtering system, it just happens on its own… but that doesn’t at all mean that you shouldn’t have “acquaintances”.

I’ve read that quote somewhere, people change and they forget to tell each other! but here I am, telling those who read my blog that I’ve changed a little bit. not entirely,but a fair amount.

Love:When age becomes a stumbling block

Love actually is all around, not dignified or news worthy, but we cannot live without it no matter how hard we claim we can.

It’s one of my life time wishes to see things change, because I always have this naïve day dreaming that there’s no hatred on earth and I’m only surrounded by the ones I love and who love me back too. But then I force myself to go back to reality and face the facts. What I’m wishing for can only be found in heaven, not on this planet…sad isn’t it??

I read Danielle steel’s novels, and I wonder, can someone have a very special devoted relationship with another, a love that defies all rules and social norms. Something that only the couple can see as something very special and satisfying while everyone thinks it’s insane??!!

Brings to my mind the story of Monica Geller and Richard Berk, in the FRIENDS TV Series. He was like 21 years older than her, her father’s friend, and is already a grandfather. I keep thinking how fate can be so twisted, who would have thought that when she was 9 and he was 30, they will one day hook up?? It seems insane and far from logical. Logic would say that she would be better off dating his son, because he’ll be the same age as her… but how can two people who have such a vast age difference, make it work??

I gather that this kind of relationship can be very tricky and risky. I think it can be ok in the first few years of marriage, but as he gets older, they’ll both be certain that they’ve done a huge mistake. Often they end in one of the partners committing infidelity, most probably the younger one. And it makes sense; she’ll be more attracted to someone her age, younger, healthier, and less rational and wants to explore things that he hadn’t explored yet. Some one that she can grow old with and learn life lessons with…

I’ve read about celebrities who married much younger men or women, that age is just a number. It’s all about love and the deep commitment towards one another…like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, or Catherine zeta jhones and Michael Douglas, he’s almost twice her age and am still surprised at how these 2 are still together. But I have to say, I’m happy for them.

When I see these examples, I automatically get this impression that the younger spouse misses his mother or father figure. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I believe it. But it makes me sad when I see this, and I sympathize with those who think they’re in love with the older partner, when in fact they just need a father….

Here comes the hardest part, Goodbyes. It can be a must in a case like this, and will leave both heavy hearted and broken.or maybe not. maybe they’ll call it quits for good,or maybe they won’t say goodbye at all… I agree with the opinion that says that in life there are no guarantees…But love alone,cannot sustain a relationship.

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